Band Creeps
by Emily E
Summary: A creepypasta parody. Squidward's Suicide tries to form a marching band with all the other creepypastas in order to show up Dead Bart at the Pasta Bowl. Based on the Spongebob episode that is loved by many. Also a boredomfic.


**"Band Geeks" belongs to the mastermind know as Stephen Hillenburg.**

**All creepypastas/characters belong to their respective owners.**

**So this was just something random I decided to do out of boredom. And I sure did have lots of fun doing this.**

* * *

We open to an deathly-looking Squidward, playing clarinet horribly. He stops when he hears knocking on the door. Squidward approaches the door and opens it. Two doctors stand behind the doorway.

Doctor on left: Yeah. Uh, We're with the pet hospital from down the street and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises.

Squidward slams the door on the doctors. His phone then rings. The octopus approaches the phone and answers it.

Squidward: Welcome to Squidward's Suicide's residence. We serve blood, gore, and breathtaking clarinet music.

He blurts a sour note from the woodwind into the phone's speakers. The other line then reveals. It's Dead Bart.

Bart: Sounds like you have a dying animal near your house.

Squidward: Ahhhh! Dead Bart! My long-time rival!

Bart: Still working on those clichés of yours?

Squidward: What do you mean clichés?

Bart: Face it, Squiddy. Gore stopped being scary after Sonic. exe was submitted. And hyper-realistic? Seriously? How low are you gonna get?

Squidward: Oh, yeah? What's the scariest thing your pasta's done? Predict the death of celebrities?

Bart laughs.

Bart: Insult me all you want. My marching band is still more willing to terrify everyone at the Pasta Bowl than yours. That is, if you even have a band. Which I'm sure you don't.

Squidward (sputtering): P-p-p-p-p-p...

Bart: Oh! Forgot to mention! It's the reason why I called you here in the first place. My marching band and I were invited to perform their routine at the Pasta Bowl this Saturday. Problem is my band ended up bailing on me, so I'm asking you to fill in for them.

Squidward: I..um...

Bart: Oh, wait! I forgot! You don't even have a band!

Bart guffaws and snorts.

Squidward: Listen here, you spike-haired freak! I do too have a band! And they are much more talented than your band could ever hope to be!

Bart: See ya in a few days, Squidward.

Squidward angrily slams the phone down. He sighs.

Squidward: What am I going to do? How am I going to teach an entire group of inexperienced creepypastas how to perform a symphony before Saturday? Keep your hope's up, Squidward! You still have about a week to prepare! And show Dead Bart that I am much better than he could ever dream. I best get started on drumming up the members. Heh. Drumming. Band humor.

We transit to Sonic. exe, who rips off a flyer on a wall upon discovering it.

Sonic. exe: A flyer, huh? (begins reading) "Looking to add enjoyment to your dull, paranormal life?

Cut to Evil Otto, standing in line to buy a Starbucks coffee.

Otto: Then join Squidward's marching band. We will turn you from ordinary creepypastas to extraordinary musical geniuses...

Cut to Happy Appy, reading a flyer on the ground as people's feet pass by.

Appy: Who will be adored by thousands of people you don't know.

Cut to Jeff the Killer, also reading.

Jeff: Not to mention there will be free refreshments as well.

Cut to Zalgo reading a flyer.

Zalgo: Practice begins at 8:30 sharp."

**Day 1**

We cut back to Squidward who is pushing a wheelbarrow full of musical instruments headed to an auditorium.

Squidward: Stupid instrument rental clerk made me late. That moron doesn't know an oboe from an elbow. Heh. Elbow. More band humor.

Squidward enters the auditorium and climbs up on the stage. All the creepypastas are chattering.

Squidward: All right! Settle down, people!

Everyone shuts up.

Squidward: Now, before we begin, how many of you have actually played an instrument before?

Appy (raises hand): Do instruments of torture count?

Squidward: No.

Ben (raises hand): Is mayonnaise an instrument?

Squidward: No, Ben. Mayonnaise is not an instrument.

Ben lowers his hand. He raises it again shortly afterwards.

Squidward: Horseradish is not an instrument either.

Ben lowers his hand again.

Squidward: Okay, so no one has had experience. Luckily, I have plenty for all of you.

He laughs. There is a pause.

Jeff: When do we get the free food?

Squidward: Okay, lets begin practicing. Repeat after me.

Squidward plays a scale of notes on his clarinet.

Squidward: Brass instruments! Go!

Evil Otto, Zalgo, and Pinkameana all repeat the same scale of notes on their brass.

Squidward: Good! And the winds!

Ben Drowned, Lost Silver, and Jeff the Killer play the notes on their woodwind instruments.

Squidward: And the drums!

Mr. Widemouth, Slenderman, and Sonic. exe blow on their drumsticks, causing them to shoot out at Squidward and pin him to the wall.

Squidward: Too bad that didn't kill me.

**Later**

Squidward: Now we will begin practicing marching in rhythm. I would like everyone to position themselves in rows of five.

Slenderman: Is this the part where we start kicking?

Squidward: No, Slenderman. That's the chorus line.

Ben: Kicking?! I wanna do some kicking! (kicks Smiledog) Hugn!

Smiledog: Why you-!

Smiledog attacks Ben. They exit the auditorium as they are fighting. Outside, Ben's screaming is heard. There is a pause, then the sound of footsteps. Ben peers into the auditorium, with just his head showing.

Ben: Whoever's the owner of the white Sedan, you left your lights on.

Ben enters the building with his body shoved into a trombone. As he walks back towards his seat, notes play. Soon as he sits down, a long note plays.

**Day 2**

The group is parading around the city playing band music with their instruments, while Squidward leads them.

Squidward: That's it, people! Pasta Bowl, we are ready! Come on, flag twirlers! Spin those things! And turn!

The band turns.

Squidward: Come on, flag twirlers! Spin! Faster! Faster! Go, go, go!

Tails Doll and the Rake twirl the flags even faster, causing the characters to fly up into the air like a helicopter and hit a blimp, causing them to explode. Herobrine plays "Taps" on a trumpet as Squidward lays down on the ground.

**Day 3**

Squidward and Happy Appy are standing face-to-face as Appy sits on a chair with a harmonica.

Squidward: How's that harmonica solo coming along, Appy?

Appy: It's tremendous. Wanna see?

Appy begins playing the harmonica. After several notes and one extremely lengthy note, he wears out and collapses on the chair.

**Day 4**

Squidward: Well, this is our last night together before the big show, and so far, none of you have improved since we began.

Ben is gnawing on a trumpet.

Squidward: But I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna sound smart, right?

Appy: CORRECT!

Squidward: So, if we play loud, people might think we're good. Everyone ready?

Everyone raises their instruments.

Squidward: And a one! And a two! And a one, two, three, four!

The entire band blasts an extremely loud note that causes the windows of the building to smash into pieces. Cut to Squidward, whose face is blown back. His conductor stick snaps in half.

Squidward: Okay, new theory. How about we play so quietly, nobody can hear us.

Ticket Taker: Or maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if SOMEBODY in our band didn't have such a poorly written cliché story.

Jeff: What did you say, (pokes Ticket Taker in chest) punk?

Ticket Taker: Poorly. Written. Cliché. STORY!

Jeff: Well, my story ain't just for attracting chicks.

Ticket Taker: Bring it on, pretty boy!

Slenderman: No, people. Let's be smart and bring it off.

Sally: Oh, so now the talking stick figure is going to try to preach to us.

Everyone begins arguing.

Squidward: Guys, I know tensions are high...

The arguing eventually turns into the creepypastas beating each other up. Laughing Jack knocks Eyeless Jack out with an instrument. Abandoned by Disney takes off his head and throws it at Suicide Mouse.

Squidward: I rented those equipment, you know!

The Zalgofied Pinky Pie and the derange Applebloom from the Luna Game charge at each other with oboes. They screech to a halt as Zalgo smashes them together with a pair of cymbals. Smiledog is snarling at Mr. Widemouth, while Mr. Widemouth hisses like a cat. Ben runs up to Smiledog and kicks him again. Smiledog pulls out a trombone and chases Ben while he runs away screaming.

Squidward: Please! SETTLE DOWN!

The clock eventually sounds. The creepypastas stop fighting.

Polybius arcade machine: Hey, class is over.

The creepypastas chatter happily as they begin leaving the auditorium.

Creepy Black ghost: Who's up for some enchiladas?

The door opens as they're close to exiting the building. Squidward stands in the doorway, disappointed.

Squidward: Welp. You've done it. You had to go and crushed my only dream of creating my very own marching band. Crushed it into a million, tiny pieces. I expected you all to succeed, but I guess that makes me a loser as well. (walks away) I'll just tell them you all died in a marching band accident. (sniffles) So thanks! Thanks for nothing!

Ben: You're welcome.

Slenderman: What kind of humans are we? That poor creature needed us, and we failed him. Squidward was always there for us when he needed our assistance. Lost Silver. When Hurry was drowning, who rescued him?

Silver: A lifeguard.

Slenderman: And Sonic. exe. When your heart gave out from all those chili dogs, who revived you?

Sonic. exe: Some guy in an ambulance.

Slenderman: Right! So if we could pretend that Squidward was a lifeguard or some guy in an ambulance, then we may have what it takes...to be in a marching band.

Skin-taker: Yeah, for the lifeguard!

Everyone cheers.

Slenderman: Now let's make Squidward proud. (raises conductor stick) A-one! A-two! A-squiddly diddly doo!

**Showday**

Cut to Squidward who is approaching the entrance to the Pasta Bowl.

Squidward: I knew this was going to happen. They'll have to find another band to play. I just hope that-

He runs into Bart, standing at the entrance.

Squidward: Dead Bart doesn't find out! Dead Bart! Ahhhhh!

Bart: Hello, Squiddy.

Squidward: What are you doing here?

Bart: I just came to watch your band fail. So where are they?

Squidward: They, um...couldn't come. They...died.

Bart (points): Then who's that?

Squidward turns around and in shock sees his marching band, dressed up in their required outfits.

Squidward: AHHHH! That would be my band!

Slenderman: We're ready to perform, Squidward.

Bart: Well, Squidward. This is exactly how I expected your band to look.

Slenderman is dancing, pumping his arms and knees.

Squidward: That's his...eager dance.

Everyone enters the elevator leading to the stadium.

Squidward: I suppose this'll be the last time I'll ever be able to show my face in another top 10 creepypasta list.

Slenderman: That's the spirit, Squidward!

They enter the football field.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! Put your hands together for the Creepypasta Super Band!

The crowd, which is entirely made up of real people, cheers. The creepypasta stare strangely at the audience.

Ben: Those are some ugly-looking pastas.

Slenderman: We must be in one of those toxic waste factories.

Jeff: I think I'm gonna be sick.

Squidward: Okay, everyone. Let's get this over with. (nervously) One...two...three...(sweating, tensing up, holds up conductor stick) four...

A group of creepypastas, who all are handling trumpets, begin playing an exciting fanfare tune. The tune ends in a long, loud note, almost like celebration music. Squidward opens his eyes as he sweats anxiously and has his back turned and bent over. Cut to Happy Appy sitting behind a synthesizer, who begins playing an introducing pop-rock chord. The crowd exclaims in awe as the horn players split apart into two halves, revealing the silhouette of a figure. The lights turn on and reveal Slenderman holding a microphone in his hand.

Slenderman (singing): _W__inner takes all_

_It's the thrill of one more kill_

_The last one to fall_

Squidward stares expressionless while he still holds his conductor stick.

_Will never sacrifice their will_

Ben sitting behind electronic drums wearing sunglasses releases an epic drum fill after the last line. A globe of technicolor lights turn on as fire shoots out of both sides of Slenderman as the music breaks out into a full-fledged rock song. Ben, Jeff the Killer, Smiledog, and Pinkameana all stand far behind him playing their instruments.

_Don't ever look back_

_On the world closing in_

Cut to the audience members who are waving glowsticks back and fourth.

_The only attack_

_With your wings on the wind_

Cut back to Bart who is staring in a shocked expression with his mouth open. Squidward turns around and smiles at him.

_Oh, the games will begin_

Squidward throws his stick away and does a victory gesture with his hands. Ben does another drum fill. Everyone continues playing their instruments in front of a color changing background covered in weird circles and triangles as the screen scrolls horizontally through them, eventually reaching Slenderman.

_And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah_

Happy Appy joins Slenderman in on the "yeah" part. Cut to the crowd dancing to the music.

_And it's ours for the taking_

Squidward drops onto his knees and pumps his arms.

_It's ours for the fight_

Bart dies of a heart attack, doctors take him away. Squidward happily waves bye to him.

___And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah_

Squidward runs up on stage and throws his hands up in celebration as smoke erupts from both sides of him. Zalgo then slides onto stage on his knees and plays a guitar riff.

_And the one who's last to fall!_

Ben does another drum fill that Squidward dances to.

_And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah_

The crowd cheers as Squidward jumps up victoriously and pauses in mid-air, thus finally ending the song.

**So what do you think? Since creepypasta characters work so well playing the roles of Spongebob characters, do you think someday I should do another memorial Spongebob episode with them as the characters? Hope you enjoyed and don't forget to leave a comment on how awesome that Spongebob episode was!**


End file.
